Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
