You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
