Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
