so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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