Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
