I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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