Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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