Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
