she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
