One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I understand Curling. That high.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
