Need sex. Gaining weight.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
