why im i the only drunk person in the library?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
