Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
