one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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