I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
