When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
