I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
