call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize