she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
