so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
