dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
