Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm jealous of your bromance
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
