I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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