I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
