you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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