Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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