Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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