You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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