you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dick very happy bro
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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