if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
