how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
