Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
