Welp...herpes.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
