You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
