At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
