What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
