I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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