You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
