I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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