God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
