i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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