a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
