An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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