you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
