i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize