I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
