My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
