if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
