There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
