I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Can i not drive my cunt home
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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