I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
