Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize