): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
