No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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