Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
