I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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