She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
