I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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