You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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