ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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