he thought i was a dude.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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