i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
